#1
The Redneck Philosophy Thu 16 Jun 2011, 11:19
Redneck
The Redneck Philosophy
Being a "real" Redneck is so much more than driving a pick-up truck and naming your dog Bubba. A true Redneck does not feel the need to impress people with the outward trappings of superficial wealth and a real Redneck is perfectly comfortable in an Armani suit or a stained t-shirt. Redneck art is now being sold in the top galleries, and make sure to read by notes redneck animal art. Rednecks truly feel sorry for the poor bastards who work their asses off for eight years in college only to become corporate slaves; all that hard work just to get a decent BMW and a Rolex. You see, a real Redneck would never feel the need to brag or ever think to mention to hard working yuppies that the 80 acre family farm is worth eight million dollars, and of that, five million is in farm equipment that is only used a few weeks each year. Without trying to sound too much like Jeff Foxworthy, a great comedian who is a tad misinformed about Redneck theology, let me explain the basic tenets of achieving a state of Redneck:
Sense of Inner Peace – True Rednecks are at peace with the world, and this is not just because they have guns in every room of their home. They are not remotely concerned with what others may think of their Redneck lifestyle.
High Sense of Duty and Honor – True Rednecks will defend their sacred honor and will not tolerate those who disparage their families, traditions or loved ones. Many a surprised New Yorker has pondered this while visiting an Emergency Room after flipping off a Redneck.
Disregard for Time – True Rednecks do no respect man-made timelines. Their lives are lived one day at a time. True rednecks may put cars up on blocks for a decade before restoration even begins.
Disregard for Man-Made Mores – True Rednecks will follow their tastes and desires without regard for social customs and that which might constitute “appropriate” behavior in polite company. Rednecks are not constrained by outsider opinions or what Madison Avenue dictates about taste, so they are free to embrace whatever they choose without guilt or remorse.
Honoring Ancestors – Real Rednecks know details about every one of their ancestors who fought in the American Revolution and the Civil War. Ardent patriots, true Rednecks will always fly the Star Spangled Banner right above the Stars and Bars on every national holiday. True Rednecks will also participate in war reenactments as a way of honoring the Redneck sacrifices of their ancestors.
Eschewing Wealth – My cousin Sara-Ruth lives on land with a massive garden and her own livestock. She even has a banana tree. The only things she buys are sugar and coffee. Her house and properly were paid for centuries ago when our Great-Great-Great Granddaddy, Aaron Burleson, received it from the Continental Congress as a thank-you for him having fought in the American Revolution. Sara-Ruth lives a simple and free life with none of the usual worries about money and keeping up with the Joneses.
Being a "real" Redneck is so much more than driving a pick-up truck and naming your dog Bubba. A true Redneck does not feel the need to impress people with the outward trappings of superficial wealth and a real Redneck is perfectly comfortable in an Armani suit or a stained t-shirt. Redneck art is now being sold in the top galleries, and make sure to read by notes redneck animal art. Rednecks truly feel sorry for the poor bastards who work their asses off for eight years in college only to become corporate slaves; all that hard work just to get a decent BMW and a Rolex. You see, a real Redneck would never feel the need to brag or ever think to mention to hard working yuppies that the 80 acre family farm is worth eight million dollars, and of that, five million is in farm equipment that is only used a few weeks each year. Without trying to sound too much like Jeff Foxworthy, a great comedian who is a tad misinformed about Redneck theology, let me explain the basic tenets of achieving a state of Redneck:
Sense of Inner Peace – True Rednecks are at peace with the world, and this is not just because they have guns in every room of their home. They are not remotely concerned with what others may think of their Redneck lifestyle.
High Sense of Duty and Honor – True Rednecks will defend their sacred honor and will not tolerate those who disparage their families, traditions or loved ones. Many a surprised New Yorker has pondered this while visiting an Emergency Room after flipping off a Redneck.
Disregard for Time – True Rednecks do no respect man-made timelines. Their lives are lived one day at a time. True rednecks may put cars up on blocks for a decade before restoration even begins.
Disregard for Man-Made Mores – True Rednecks will follow their tastes and desires without regard for social customs and that which might constitute “appropriate” behavior in polite company. Rednecks are not constrained by outsider opinions or what Madison Avenue dictates about taste, so they are free to embrace whatever they choose without guilt or remorse.
Honoring Ancestors – Real Rednecks know details about every one of their ancestors who fought in the American Revolution and the Civil War. Ardent patriots, true Rednecks will always fly the Star Spangled Banner right above the Stars and Bars on every national holiday. True Rednecks will also participate in war reenactments as a way of honoring the Redneck sacrifices of their ancestors.
Eschewing Wealth – My cousin Sara-Ruth lives on land with a massive garden and her own livestock. She even has a banana tree. The only things she buys are sugar and coffee. Her house and properly were paid for centuries ago when our Great-Great-Great Granddaddy, Aaron Burleson, received it from the Continental Congress as a thank-you for him having fought in the American Revolution. Sara-Ruth lives a simple and free life with none of the usual worries about money and keeping up with the Joneses.
Good Ol' Boy
Redneck Family Member